“Mr. Ranty,
I’m getting fooked again!” This sentence has been typed so many times in the
three person group chat with me, Heather D and the Mr. Rant Man in particular.
Me getting drunk and making a joke about how I was getting fucked, the fooked
part being a call back to a podcast I listen to. Fooked Tyler Daniels enjoying
a glass of fine bourbon while enjoying some after work video games has become a
staple of our group chat weekend after weekend. Those numbers add up. Then it
became during the weekday. Then the morning after, still a bit fooked from the
night before while shuffling through work. All of a sudden, the joke wasn’t that
funny anymore. The party animal was really getting fucked. Hello fans, Tyler
Daniels here; I have a drinking problem.
If you
picked this blog to lighten your retail and comedy spirits well you picked
wrong. This is my confession if anything, if not to the 30 people who read this
then mostly to myself. All the nights of drinking have finally added up and now
after turning 28 this weekend I’ve made a choice to call it what it is; a
drinking problem. What’s the difference between Tyler Daniels drunk on an
episode of Welcome to Rantyville and him sitting alone with a bottle of Jack
Daniels to his left, full glass with ice in his hand? None. He’s going to keep
drinking till the lights go out. Being I work in a liquor distributor, I can
get my hands on some good quality booze for dirt cheap. Bottle after bottle
lining my liquor cabnate for little to no money. I wish I could leave it like
that but I treat drinking like I do Pringles: once I pop I just can’t stop. I
think it’s fair to say even my two friends have noticed the joke going on for
too long. A boring night at home is just the same as a night with friends or a
drink before a show and I just can’t let the good times stop.
It breaks
my heart that I have to give up something that is so much a part of me that my
own fake last name is of a great whiskey, my twitter handle is drunk on comedy
and I’ve always been that lovable friend with a whiskey on the rocks in hand.
These are the fun moments I wish I could keep keep focused on but to do that
would disregard all the nights when I drink a whole 750 of Bullet Bourbon and
wake up drunk the next day. All those text messages sent while blacked out add
up to make for a handful of burnt bridges and tired excuses. My body hurts when
hungover and my mind screams while I try to sleep as to why I’m still stuck
working in a shit hole living a depressed life. Maybe there are other issues at
play but I know when a bottle of whiskey goes through me the next day no
applications are being sent out and no gym is having the prilvage of a Tyler
Daniels appearance.
Something
is wrong with me and booze may be the cause; hell, it could be something else
but whatever the black hole is that keep me from being unhappy all I have done
for the past 3 years is pore bottle after bottle into it hoping that it would
hold me over till I could find something to patch it up. Can’t find a good
relationship to have, maybe anonymous sex will help. Enjoy some extra junk food
to feed that need for a happy sensation. Have a drink and make it two, keep
chasing that feeling till you’ve passed out on the floor. All of these things
are just in place of something I can’t seem to fix.
This
weekend I drank for fun but just as much as that need to get black out
hammered. By the end, I had turned 28 and made the choice to give up the booze.
I tell myself someday I can go back to it when I’ve fixed that hole inside me
but I know just as much that it’s a pipe dream I should ever chase. Tomorrow
night I will attend my first ever AA meeting in my sleepy college town in the
hopes of getting on the right track. Maybe if I can beat this then I can find a
job that makes me proud, a woman who I can keep and not self-destruct and most
of all: happiness. I’m writing all of this as my confession and my battle cry;
can’t back out now if the whole audience knows if I don’t go to this thing then
I’m a sad son of a bitch. Maybe I’ll figure out myself and have a drink or two
in the future but for now, I can’t be drunk on comedy so I’ll get sober on
life.
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